Cartman Gets An Anal Probe -

As the school bus pulled up, a fleet of hundreds of identical saucers appeared in the sky, responding to the beacon. The town of South Park began to panic. Cows were being beamed up by the dozens, and Chef was running out of the school screaming about the "visitors."

The sky over South Park was a bruised purple as the four boys stood at the bus stop, their breath hitching in the frigid Colorado air. Eric Cartman was mid-rant, his voice a shrill grating whistle, when the atmosphere shifted. A hum, low and vibrating in their teeth, rattled the nearby pine trees. Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

The next morning at the bus stop, Cartman was different. Every time he opened his mouth to insult Kyle, his voice came out as a series of rhythmic, electronic chirps. "Hey, fatass," Stan said tentatively. "You okay?" As the school bus pulled up, a fleet

"Whatever, Cartman," Kyle sighed. "Let's just go to school." If you'd like to see more of South Park, I can: Eric Cartman was mid-rant, his voice a shrill

Just as the lead ship hovered over them, Cartman let out a massive, involuntary fart. The sheer force of the gas, combined with the alien technology, created a localized EMP. The satellite dish pulsed one final, blinding gold light, sending a message of pure, concentrated "Screw you guys, I'm going home" into the alien mainframe.

Kyle, Stan, and Kenny watched in frozen horror. A metallic, saucer-shaped craft descended, silent as a grave. A hatch spiraled open, and a mechanical arm—topped with a glistening, oversized chrome nozzle—extended toward Cartman’s backside. Fire it up, the machine seemed to pulse.